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Writer's pictureCeleste G

Why Grounding your Teen is the Worse Thing you can do When they are Acting Out.



Your teenager doesn’t know everything, but neither do you.

Too often, parents tell me they are concerned because their teen is staying in their rooms all day, sleeping in, or “acting different.”


New flash. Your teen is going to be different. They should be different. Biologically and neurologically, they are going through rapid changes.


When your kid was about 1 year old until about 4 they went through major changes. They learned to walk, talk, and go potty. That’s a big difference from when they were 6 months and could barely hold their head up.


Think about the teenage years as another growth spurt. From ages 13-17, a teen's brain is growing so rapidly. Often teens are not being challenged or stimulated enough. That is why so many get into trouble or begin acting out.


Have you ever tried to barricade your toddler in a space once they start walking? What happens? They cry and throw a fit. Teenagers are no different. Their brains and bodies need to release energy and absorb new information.


Because of a capitalistic society, too often parents don’t have the time or resources to provide teens with healthier outlets so teens choose what’s “cheap and fast” like drugs, alcohol, and other risky behaviors.


Try to give your teen new responsibilities in a “You’re growing up and I want you to have more say so” kind of way and less of a “You have to have more responsibilities so I can keep you busy” kind of way. Presentation is everything with teens.


Here are Some Ideas:

  • Tell your teen they are responsible for making dinner once a week. Whatever it is, say thank you and eat it. This is not the time (I can’t think of a time when it is the time) to be critical. You can encourage them to try new recipes.

  • Sign your teen up as a weekly volunteer where you drop them off. Food banks and animal shelters are always looking for help and are usually organized enough that signing up is easy and they can be paired with an adult.

  • Does your teen want to start working? Great, help them apply for some weekend jobs.

  • Ask family and friends if they need babysitting. Taking care of younger children is a great way for teens to develop important skills such as patience, distress tolerance, and problem solving skills. Please note that teen's brains are smart enough to not want to do this for free.

  • Is your teen into sports, art, music, or tech? Sign them up for a class that will develop those skills but also challenge them. For example, if you have a teen that enjoys painting or drawing ask them if would be open to a photography or social media course.

The most important thing is that you get input from your teen and use their teenage years as a way to help them develop social skills, communication skills, and decision-making skills. They don't need, nor can you, control everything for them. I will write more on this in another post.


Note: none of my suggestions include letting them hang out with friends unsupervised.

What do you wish your parents would have encouraged you to do as a teen?

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